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  • Writer's pictureHannah Telluselle

A balanced gift

We can give in three ways:

1. With our time and energy spent to help someone

2. With our money, whether through bought items or cash

3. With love; with our heart

I used to be someone, who was over-giving. I used to be the one always calling, always sending Christmas cards, always congratulating others on their birthdays, always bestowing others with Christmas gifts, always sending thank you cards, and always be ready to serve others. But what did I get in return from my family and friends? There actually was one holiday, when I gave gifts to everybody, but received none. That is how selfish, needy and greedy people have been around me. And then when I stop my giving, they try to make me feel guilty or simply ignore my existence. No wonder, I also then grew resentful! So, I stopped giving. And then I received from a multitude of strangers in magnificent ways, for several years in several countries, that could only have been orchestrated by God. But, does it take a Hawaiian, to ask me how I'm doing?

Now, that I'm a little bit more afloat, and could be more giving again, at least with my heart, nobody replies. Perhaps they're sensing it has to be under my conditions too, that is; when I feel up to it: When I'm rested, when I have my needs met, and when I am in a good mood to be cheerful and ready to listen with engagement, doing things that I enjoy, at places I enjoy. But, nobody is interested, nobody cares, or I have to deal with others' negativity and decisions affecting my health and wellbeing, not to mention my safety. Why is that? I think we're living in a society in Sweden, that is based on sharing gossip, complaining, or being needy? Where one is supposed to need the other, in an unequal manner, to exert power? Or even cling? I hate that. And on the other hand, knowing certain people and be known, is also seen as more important than creating an equal relationship, or friendship, based on genuine interest and curiosity. Are people more concerned about what's showing on their phones, than sitting down face to face over a cup of coffee? Or is it all, because I'm stuck in the wrong country? Where are my organizational change peeps? And why, can't people just reply?

What I do know is, that I'm rather happy alone, than miserable in company. So for now, I'm going to give myself, what I'd like to have.

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