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  • Writer's pictureHannah Telluselle

The way you make me feel

Now, that I've been watching And Just Like That, the continuation of the TV-series Sex and the City, I've noticed that every time I'm done watching an episode, it evokes the same feeling. I sense a longing, that I don't feel otherwise. So, the question is, is the TV-show opening up that part of me, that do want to live in a good relationship, (but that I don't see possible in Sweden, after all these years of libel and persecution), or is it a false sentiment, just created by media? After all, it's the purpose of Hollywood to build dreams.

It takes me back to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, in terms of focusing on being present. Being here and now, is really the only thing we have, and just now I am in a pretty good place, as it is. This might change soon, as I've experienced before, due to others' decisions, whether for better of for worse. But change initiated by myself is obviously preferred and a must. To long for someone, or something, better, is essential for forward motion and setting goals that can be reached. So, in that sense, one must put Eckhart Tolle aside a little and focus on how we want the future to be like. I do want to live differently than I am currently doing, but is this possible under my current conditions? Or is it a matter of when? How many years do I need to wait for others to come forth, together with me?

As an example. I noticed that the power lines were hanging really low and were old, already when I lived in Honolulu 2005, when I walked around in the neighborhood by University Square. It's of course easy for me as a foreigner to notice, since I can compare with the ones in Sweden, and have a more awake sense of alertness, thanks to my grandfather, the fire-chief. I'm pretty sure I said that to someone, just like I noticed how the regular city streets and roads, also were different from the Swedish kind, when it rained a lot and they became flooded easily. This, because of the tilt of the asphalt going toward the middle, in order to not crack when it gets hot. In Sweden we have the middle slightly raised instead, so that the water automatically flows to the sides. Now, after the Maui wildfire, that looks caused by old, low hanging, powerlines, it makes me wonder, if everything else that I've noticed and written about, will also take 18 years and another disaster or worldwar for others to understand and act on. Why otherwise, would not my books be discussed, whether PTSD for victims, reclaiming my passion and learn to live aloha, or immigration detentions, and I be interviewed like so many times before? Or just simply get a good job, where I can improve society with Organizational change?

So, back to the longing. I have certain standards and preferred ways, that I intend to keep, with flexibility, but not step away from, when it comes to all relationships, such as no smoking, keeping promises and taking equal amount initiative, so maybe it's not so much me not being ready, but the question is, who is for me?

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