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  • Writer's pictureHannah Telluselle

Tuning into my heart

There is nothing like a good serving of Carrie Bradshaw, paired with a portion of Charlotte, a good seasoning of Miranda and a pinch of some new characters, that got me back into the lane of love. I've just watched the first season of And, just like that. on HBO Max - so glad it's available online in Sweden. So, what happened was, besides feeling the actuality of society in the new series, a lot of memories of myself came back, as I watched it. What I was doing, when Sex and the City was on, in the early 2000's. Ah... the hunt for vintage fashion, the clubbing, and the writing column-style for an e-zine; I felt so like Carrie, and my own girlfriends, soon became the other characters in disguise. I think, we all can recognize some of their personality traits. Nowadays, I feel more like Charlotte though!

And this week, I've been able to pay some bills, tend to my apartment some more, by potting some new plants and refreshing my wardrobe with some much needed new essentials, so I've been offline most of the week. As I sit in my couch, I land more and more back into my normal state, as opposed to the continuous life-threatening stress I've had to live under for about a decade, at least off and on. If it hasn't been authorities in my way, it's been a weird guy stalking me, intrusions, and on top of that slander and unemployment. Then add, having had to beg on the street for a bed at a hostel and food. I'm so glad that I've been used to living in one before while travelling, and meeting some wonderful people alongside the way, or I don't know how I would have made it. So, the point is, living under that kind of stress doesn't really make you available for a committed relationship, neither with a husband, nor your friends. For now, I still cherish my blissful alone time in my new home, but I've also realized how alone I am, here in Sweden.

This summer, I'm going to feel into what I want and can do, what I can apply for, and what my next steps will be. The apartment I'm renting is through the Swedish social security, which in one way is awesome that I got, but on the other hand, nothing but secure, given the lease is up to them and can be terminated in a week, rather than the normal month or two regular ones have. All I have, is now. As always, everything in life boils down to getting our needs met in the hierarchy that Maslow once proposed.

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