Have you ever felt trapped in your own being a certain way? And then maybe you are totally different when you travel? This is how I discovered my own entrapment as well as empowerment.
Living abroad shows you how others live and their values that you may or may not agree with. This experience is what we really bring back home and should be able to use for our own country's best development, besides any professional knowledge we have acquired.
However, in Sweden I can't do that, be that. I tried. Neither as a private citizen, nor as employed or even in politics. In Sweden, I am never allowed to expand. Not only to take stage, but to claim my place, neither after my first long stay in Hawaii 2004-05, less after my second stay 2010-12 with speeches and talks, neither to Swedish people, nor internationally, that I began in 2003 and 2004. I tried to resume directly upon my forced return in 2012 and onward, with media and job applications, Meetups with business-plans and blogging, networking with new acquaintances in church and dance class, besides contacting my old friends and colleagues. None leading to any, including the possibility to sell books, discuss immigration and go back to the United States with a waiver, I thought, at least by 2018, but planned 2015.
I assume it's a cultural thing - small circles of people that are forced to remain the same, while Americans have discussions about how the people still can decide, rather than the government, whereas in Sweden the people puts all their faith in the government and refuse to change. Refuse to integrate. Refuse to question.
For me, living in the United States enables me to expand and gain more confidence in ways that allows me to fit in there by being more, rather than to shrink, without ever having to worry about neither being too much or too little of anything, since the US is such a big country. There will always be someone more or less than me.
It's all about communication and body language, that in turn affects my health in a positive way when I am allowed to express myself freely. Not for role-playing but for performance, taking help through stage where my journey began, also acting growing up. The greatest freedom can be found on stage, where everything can be exposed as art. Art reflecting our culture or the new one where we move.
Where can I live and work? Love? How long am I supposed to wait? To be free, to be me?
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