The balancing act
I have gotten to know Anger lately. I have always been known as the mild person in our family. My Dad stood for the verbal criticism and threats, my Mom carried them out and my brother threw a fit once in a while. And I was the big sister taking care of them all. I might break down and cry almost violently in despair, like at my first Qigong intensive weekend workshop in 1995, but Anger has never been my acquaintance. I have simply wanted to just avoid all conflicts at all cost because I had enough of them at home growing up. Ironically this rather put me into dramas of all sorts as a young adult in my 20's. In my 30's I looked for other ways of relating and growing into being. Now in my mid 40's I have grown enough into wanting to protect what I have achieved and received. And it is in this protection The Call for Harmony is found by looking into necessary violence. As someone who always have been positive and nice (however not to just please, in fact I despise so called "brownies") in a hopefully noble way with a generous heart, cheering people on and encouraging others to follow their dreams; it is certainly very hard to not be allowed to myself, not to mention so sabotaged and stalked, I have almost been killed in a normal pursuit of a normal life, but not to the expense of love, meaning I would never settle for anything less than for what I can define by feeling love.
A couple of years ago, I decided to break a pattern of behavior including cutting off those who have become dependent on me and yesterday I even learned a new term for my own personal growth experience: Equanimity, which is something one of the mothers of Modern dance Isadora Duncan, practiced herself.
I think we can all agree upon that whenever a mother needs to protect her children (or a father needs to), violence can be necessary not only in direct defense but also to have their and her own needs met. These violent acts or communication can be held in check by ensuring one understands which type of anger we have to deal with and why: On one hand there is anger coming from fear that is justified, which easily turns into a spiritual anger which can be both good and bad, trusting in God for our provision and following through with our own action steps but also when others deliberately stop themselves from helping out or their or our own Ego gets in the way.
On the other hand there is anger coming from Ego, which is fueled by our human will to succeed and to have, which can be good fuel for change and positive competition when we focus on using it for ourselves to improve, but also negative if it is governed by greed or envy for example in ways that is set out to harm another person without being harmed yourself. Then anger and violence will always be justified. See it like this: If you have what you need (food, shelter, love, family, work) and you still destroy someone else's, you are of evil to me. Perhaps it is faith you need, which is developed through both love and battle, gratitude and grief, by grace. And it is to this we return in center, after lashing out or throwing off the anger someone else has projected on us. Women tend to turn theirs inward to self-destructive behaviors, whereas men often becomes more physical, but as we grow in equality, this too is changing. Anger always needs to be expressed, whether shouted or whispered, with or without weapons. So, what does the other person need? It is through this awareness we also find detachment the spiritual way.
So, to me, showing and acting out of anger is always ok as long as we don't harm the other person intentionally. There is no need to stop someone else from having a good life to have your own.