Updated: Aug 14, 2021
Have you ever been blamed for something that you didn't do or cause? If this happens repeatedly, you might very well be in an abusive relationship where there will be a risk that you internalize this blame and assume responsibility for things and events not yours. This is unfortunately how I grew up and one of the things that the self-help and healing through coaching has enabled me to change the last ten years or so. As soon as we recognize a behavioral pattern, we also are given the opportunity to change it, first by understanding the factors and then each person's role in that drama. It might also have expanded into other people you meet, not in close relationship with or even society itself. We then must understand it as cultural behavior, either within a group or an organization, or in a nation. Some groups we belong to are chosen, others are categories we simply are put in by others. This too is a call for change in terms of not projecting your own drama onto others. So, what is it that we can take responsibility for?
Everything is in dialogue with the environment we live in. Most of us act in response to. If it rains, we respond by taking out an umbrella in the closet. Some of us like to take caution, so just in case before we even know if it is going to rain, we calculate, estimate and either by fear or awareness, we take it out the night before, just like with clothes and other things in preparation.
Then the next day will be sunny of course.
Nobody wants to see our own hidden secrets to be exposed, so the best way to take responsibility is to make sure we don't have any. By honesty, such as remaining truthful to our own needs and experiences we can choose to disclose some or all of it and then it is done. This enable us to become more present and to move forward.
Nonetheless we can likely encounter other people's unwillingness to let go of things in the past and meet with their resistance as they either consciously by mind-games or subconsciously try to force us into the role they wants us to play for they to remain in their own position. What we can do then is to either break up and leave, even move to a different country, or ask and apologize until the other person acknowledges his or her own responsibility in what has happened.
Whether it is things you have said to me, or about me, things you have done or should have done, communication that you failed to send yourself and ignored mine, you can rest assure that you will encounter the same behavior in someone else until you learn your lesson.
Who can you sort things out with or simply acknowledge with something positive today if you can't let go of him or her? If you are not getting what you want, can you solve the problem practically speaking together with someone else or in cooperation with the one asking? This is of course even more important if it is in your duty and profession that you are called.
Which consequences do you create for yourself, others and earth?