And my soul shall be healed
It was during my work at the esoteric bookstore "Sök & Finn" in Malmö, Sweden 2003, I heard this song and felt something well up within, almost like a raging urge within, connecting me to something greater, wanting to move myself, and many years later while I was re-writing my own book in English late 2009, a dance-choreography took form within, a dance wanting to express itself. It was my soul getting itself known, starting its call to become whole. I started taking African dance classes to get to know rhythms on another level, which later led me into Hawaiian Hula 2005 and 2010, and back into Jazz and Modern 2006-08, until the return to classical harmony with Isadora Duncan dance in 2014 - putting me back into childhood joy from ballet.
I have found that the soul doesn't want to inhibit an abused body, a starved or deprived body, or a body under threat, whether it is foremost my physical body, or in extension - my home. Thus it is how it also becomes forced to leave partially when I am not allowed to live a healthy safe life through the removal of my assets and income, or my treasured, well sought out and carefully chosen belongings. I own nothing I don't want or haven't chosen myself with specific consideration to fit my individual needs. Each breach, a breach against my body, and in extension my soul and its capacity to dance and express itself with joy and love.
When I move my body, my lungs expands and it becomes possible for it to have more room until I can grow myself bigger again, holding it safely. This is in contradiction to have our bodies moved sitting still, such as when we travel or go by car since this confuses our sense of center. Or when we become scared and have to move so fast we can become outside of ourselves. All this done on purpose is pure evil. Hopefully though my story and share can benefit the understanding of how we relate to traumas. How in fact, much is wicked in the traditional healthcare where blame is put on the traumatised person, where his/her symptoms of stress is seen as the cause of his/her illness, rather than taking into account that it is the reaction of someone's inflicted harm. For example, do people with PTSD automatically become homeless because of their PTSD? Or do they get PTSD because they are not safe at home?
What makes us feel safe? Money first. This enable us to pay rent, buy food and medicine, clothes appropriate to fit the climate as well as something that we wear making us feel attractive. This feeling enable us more confidence that in turn open our hearts for more and better human connections where we can express our true personality in a positive fashion. With laughter, joy, relaxed in good company... When this becomes stifled, we shrink both by the abuse and the arena where we should be able to express ourselves for work and pleasure, making us feeling less safe and more uncomfortable, putting us back prone into victimhood. Then when we say no to the continued abusive patterns, defend our bodies and our homes, we are called inconveniant to those who rather transfer their own abuse or vengeance then taking responsibility for their own need for change of how they interact. It is said that we can only change ourselves, but when we do, the world must follow. If someone is treating you badly, ask yourself what you have not done that the other is waiting for? Which needs have become neglected putting us in a tailspin rather than enabling an empowerment for self-sufficiency and greater collaboration? Do the math. Reply with facts. What does a dog do when you take its food and push it into a corner refusing it? What does it do when you feed it properly with care? What do I do when you steal from me? What needs to end? What did I change in Hawaii 2012?
Even more years later as I turned to the Catholic Church to learn and attend their mass in late 2014, a special prayer opened up for a more fastened healing of the retrieved soul to be tranformed into healed and integrated. Followed by love to feel completed. To really live a good life putting the traumas behind. Will you let me?