• Hannah Telluselle

The money curse


My brother liked Beethoven, I liked Mozart better. In Munich, I stayed for a while on Mozartstrasse and passed by the cutest café with live piano at Beethoven platz often on the way. I soon realized that number 18 (my birth no) were housing a debt collection firm and an attorney and it got me thinking of what we individually, and most of all collectively, associate and place symbolically for money.

The question is how come Peter always have money and I don't? Since we grew up in the same family, he four years younger than I am, he might even have had a couple of years with less than I did, when my parents had divorced and he lived with Mum, while I was in the US as an exchange student and then moved to my own apartment as soon as I could when I had come back. Always dancing and working. Selling and creating. Until I became seen as a competitive threat after I had turned 30.

My goal has never been to make money, even though much of my adult life has revolved around it. It doesn't help that others assume and expect me to have it all the time but most never does anything real to help, such as give me a job or at least respond to my initiatives to work together. How many years have I been unemployed now? Why? (Or receiving by assignment or settlement in my own firm, I can deal with both and have experience with both.) I had my first paid job at the age of 15. 

The only thing I can think of, ironically, is that I walk with Luther too much and rests way too little, less have any real free time. In Germany the term "free time", corresponds to how it is referred to in Sweden as well (leisure) as being the important equivalent to make it a balance. But we can never relax and feel free without having our needs met first. Is it an illness to not have an income?

Some money are blessed, some are cursed, most is just means to enable. How I feel the difference? I do, in my body and how it either feels enough with grace or like it lacks and pisses me off. Either way it is just money. In a developed world of flow and abundance, do you really loose yours if you let me have mine?


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