A Christmas memory
Yesterday, my inner child and I received an opportunity to heal some more. While I was thinking of my Christmases and how they often have been stressful, especially emotionally, inevitably I also remembered the worst one I had growing up.
I was five years old and had just learned how to read my own name. Early on Christmas Eve morning, I went up and saw all the presents underneath our Christmas tree, found mine, and opened all. Then I jumped into my parents bed, happily exclaiming my thanks and sharing what I had received. My mother became furious and thought that I had completely destroyed the whole holiday. She got up, grabbed me by the arm and into our living room, where she saw the mess. Then she shoved me up my bunkbed and spanked me.
I had to take a pause writing this. It sits deep.
When I recalled the memory yesterday, my inner child obviously felt really ashamed and afraid. But, I am not my mother. So, instead, we said our forgiveness prayer and decided it was purely out of curiosity and gratitude, that I had opened all my gifts. And therein is the healing. As adults and the mother of ourselves, we become the diplomatic agent that aims to be the bridge onto we can step for peace and understanding, to honor love, and to reconciliate. Not too surprisingly, I've always enjoyed giving gifts and still do. I love coming up with surprises and always consider carefully what I think the other person really would like, not what I like, and even sometimes in between holidays. Perhaps it was my paying back, my guilty conscience, but nonetheless it's always for love.
How I learned to read so early? I was tired of seeing my Dad read the newspaper instead of talking to me, so one day, I had simply walked up to him and demanded that he taught me so I could understand what it was he was reading. So he did.
And who knows, perhaps opening our gifts on the morning on Christmas Day like in the United States, instead of in the evening on Christmas Eve, like we do in Sweden, could save some children from harm.
By owning our story, we can lead our future.