In the lane of love
I'm sure you wonder why I haven't been married. Yet. Besides outer conditions and circumstances, I've needed to ensure that I don't carry forth any unhealthy patterns from my parents and understand my true needs - what I prioritize in a relationship. Many times, I've found myself in the middle of two men. One that I might find hot in a sexy way, and another that I find to be more of a friend or companion - sometimes because of me, sometimes because of them. Sex is one thing, love is another, and they don't always go hand in hand, although best together.
My love life started well as a young adult, but grew in the wrong direction to satisfy my true needs of security and courtship. I also both became changed, and had to change some of my ways of relating to men, when I lived in the United States, because of the cultural differences. And going back to Sweden doesn't mean that I want to change back to something that didn't work anyway. Sometimes it's because I look for someone that has caught my flight of fancy, but someone else shows me interest at the same time. Who should I then choose?
What I've concluded though, that all those years when I thought I needed someone to make me whole, it was just myself I needed, finding my lost pieces and mend them together. A way to experience joy and happiness on my own, so that this isn't depending on a particular person. Now, that I have that, I can look at love from another perspective, as well as focus on sharing rather than the traditional giving and taking that so often becomes a battle of Egos in our world. I want a man that supports my essence.