Reclaiming my inner child
Updated: Nov 10, 2021
It started when my mother had passed away in 2004. I was attending night classes at the university to deepen my ability to coach others with conversation methods. I was alerted by a classmate that I often tended to communicate as a Parent, when it comes to how it’s defined in Transaction Analysis. I wondered why.
I grieved immensely. Not only that my mother was gone, but that my childhood was gone. Then, on a sunny day in Hawaii a couple of months later, financed by studentloan, I drove around the island together with a cute guy from the hostel where I was staying. It was an adventurous ride that both encompassed an almost accident, and later a view in the side rear-view mirror of myself, with the look in my eyes as I had seen in photos of myself as a little girl. There I was!
In 2008, I received a Lomilomi treatment in Sweden, that together with phobia therapy, enabled me to retrieve a piece of my soul, while I understood that I had let myself down and needed to apologize to myself and honor my needs better. I did. And I connected to my inner sense of worthiness more thoroughly. Through much breath work, I have come to integrate her – my inner girl – better. It's a huge process.
It wasn’t until 2019 in Portugal, however, that I experienced total joy on my own. It was something I had set out to find, in order to not let my happiness, or health, depend on any one particular person. I found it being able to put my head under water, that I had a fear against most of my life. And I found it skipping, while dancing Isadora Duncan. Since then, she is with me more often.
Now, that I’m reading “Homecoming” by John Bradshaw, I get it all explained, and hopefully receive tools to fully integrate myself more, including my Ego. It amazes me, how we can experience things and then indeed get it explained by someone else! I’m sure I’ll be able to share more later, and hopefully it shows in my photos of myself that I've posted here on my blog.
(More about this journey of mine, can be found in my book.)