Taking charge of the past
It's said, that we should let go of the past and not worry about the future. Yet, we all are governed by them. What we need to do instead, is to become more consciously aware on how we are affected by our past.
I've had PTSD for many years, and thus affected by my past. What has helped me is to consciously think of memories, rather than letting them become flashbacks. Writing in my "inner child" journal, these past couple of weeks, has allowed more memories to surface. They make me curious of what I was thinking and why, and if this is something I can learn from.
There were often times when I couldn't sleep, hence I went up to try to watch TV with my parents instead. Why was that? What was I afraid of and am I still that on some level? Likewise, I had problem eating, but as shared in my book "The Call for Divine Mothering", it was a stressful and agitating experience, since my parents seemed to argue often at the same time and my Dad ate very fast. I have also gotten sick a couple of times. None of these things are traumas, but perhaps became, as I grew up and started to forge different types of relationships.
Traumas that I have endured, however, include: I fled with my Dad into a helicopter in Lebanon at 2, I witnessed my mother bleeding and about to give birth two months early at 4, I almost drowned at 5, I was brutally kissed by a classmate when I was 9 years old, and date-raped at 21. Luckily, I have also had good experiences in life to counter with.
The questions is, in my memories, are there still a knot that I can untangle?