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  • Writer's pictureHannah Telluselle

Finding faith

Updated: Sep 22, 2020

I became baptized in the Swedish Christian church of St John's in 2007. A while ago, I returned to have a look around, since I haven't been in Malmö for 10 years. (I lived in Stockholm after being forced to return from the United States in 2012.) How did I become a Christian and why?

I became Christian a couple of years after my mother had died and I had met an American guy in Honolulu 2004-05 called Jesse, who was that I fell in love with and who showed me a sense of hope and light by his own being, enabling my inner child to come forth and feel both accepted and safe. His Christianity was practiced as an integrated part of his daily life without being heavy or gloomy the way I had seen it in Sweden. After I had come back home then, I decided to purify my life and develop my own relation to God and cement my own commitment through baptism 2007.

I had started talking to a student pastor for grief counseling and naturally concerns about life and death came up. After my mother's passing, I decided to give myself what I had found been lacking and the ceremony was held privately with a couple of my dancer friends and with Jonas, one of my teachers, who sung "You raise me up" by Josh Groban.

While growing up, I had always felt left out due to not being christened like my classmates, especially in 8th grade when everybody got their first communion and gifts, while I was jokingly considered the girl without a name since I wasn't baptized. I knew mine was legitimate anyway of course, but I always felt it a burden to have a name similar to all others (Camilla) and then other names nobody could pronounce or spell and just thought were weird (Yasodhara and Charpentier). So, by becoming Christian as an adult and changing names, I reclaimed my worth and started caring for myself better, while I always have known and felt the presence of a love greater than just formed in regular relationships. It's this love that I have a tattoo for, called Agape but practiced through Aloha.

To me, all paths of spiritual seeking leads to God, to find our heart, to re-create Paradise together. I'd like to be able to believe in that, share my writing and discuss ways with others sharing their lessons and blessings without none of us being crucified.

More about my journey and what I think love is, can be found in my book "The Call for Divine Mothering".

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