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  • Writer's pictureHannah Telluselle

Suffering flashbacks

Updated: Apr 15, 2022

As I've previously shared here, I have PTSD, which means that I, from time to time, suffer from flashbacks. It's almost like how you see it in movies. I touch, watch or hear something and suddenly for a split second, another image surfaces from my memory, almost overpowering the present.

An example, that I am now trying to overcome and improve, is when I was out shopping in Stockholm, Sweden summer of 2017. I went inside the Esprit store and saw an orange dress. It had the same exact design as one of my Hula-dresses, and with a specific orange color, which got to me. It was the exact same as the jumpsuits worn for being held in the SHU (isolation) at US federal prisons have. Obviously, it felt bad, and I left the store. Then it takes a couple of hours and a little grieving to release it emotionally.

Yesterday, however, I decided to buy a new set of sweatpants and shirt, you guessed right, in this year's spring trend color... orange. I slept well in them, and I see this as a way to reclaim my right to be happy and well, also in orange clothes.

There is power in colors, depending on what we attribute them. Orange is also commonly worn by monks and of course the Monarch butterfly is orange... PTSD isn't visible on the outside, but please know it's very real.

Photo of jumpsuit found on Google, by me, and of butterfly by Peter Chiapperino.

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