Grief opens our hearts. There is nothing like a brush with death to both soften and strengthen us. Today, I had another reminder of my own mortality, since I went through a surgical procedure to check if my Malign melanoma has spread, thus some more skin was removed from my back where the mole sat, and two lymph nodes, and a whole body-scan was made. Ironically, having had teeth surgery actually hurt more and my own fear and discomfort of becoming sick to my stomach is often far greater than the undergoing of the procedure itself. But perhaps this has its foundation of a real fear. Like I said to my support person, in Sweden most things are very professionally executed conducted from a high intellectual level, but not at all with the same kind of heartful presence like I’ve found that Americans have, especially in Hawaii, where I actually had my first dental surgery under complete sleep in 2004.
And again, this puts one of my favorite questions of self-relied wisdom to live by, back into focus: What would I do, if I only had three more months to live? It’s one of the most fundamentally both scaring and life-affirming questions I know to ask myself. I do believe it’s also definitely aligned with God, producing both a sense of courage and humility. What if this question actually becomes my truth now? What my answer is? To go and live where I want to live and to love more of course! It’s only other people, especially in Sweden, that stands in between me and love.
What would you do, if you only had three more months to live?