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  • Writer's pictureHannah Telluselle

A need for no disturbance

I have a strong need for a harmonious environment. I always have. There are two major factors that go into that. One is to have it nice around me, that is clean, fresh and neat with a sense of light air and positive energy. It's one of the reasons why it's so important for me to have a good home, that I'm so grateful to have, at least for now.

The other factor that plays a part is people. When everybody is nice and I can be too, I enjoy good company for a couple of hours. However, if I can't sleep properly, this becomes ruined, just as my mood does. Unfortunately, I have PTSD, which this summer has increased again in two ways: I have nightmares a couple of times a week, that I wake up from. And then, there are other times that I wake up anyway, probably because I was awakened every three or four hours, when I was submitted to a forensic psychiatric ward due to someone's libel and plagiarisms, that were never tried. I got my entire physical health destroyed, especially the second year. This is part of why I'm still in Sweden, so I can try to recuperate and regain my normal sense of wellbeing, in order to increase my capacity to work. Luckily, I do have had a couple of instances, where this has been possible, such as the last weekend on Sept 1st, when I didn't need to take any medicine for my stomach upsets for several days. Because, I wasn't disturbed. I think of myself a little like a Pavlov's dog, that simply becomes conditioned and then need to reinforce another pattern, when I feel safe, which in turn is harder to feel in Sweden.

I'm awaiting some counselling, if I can go there without having my confidentiality betrayed again, like it became in 2014 and onward. The best would be if I could get the kind of health-related retirement, one can get here, for part-time, which is an income, I also would be allowed to bring with me to the United States. This is what I'm hoping for, if news-media and magazines continue to refuse giving me interviews about my books and business, so I can sell them in larger volumes, to have as an income and starting funds.

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