Fostering a supportive language

As someone who has been a writer my entire life, and a professional half of it, choosing the right words is always important. I try to make decisions about which words to use for whom and how, to ensure that my message comes across in the same tone of voice and type of vocabulary and langauge the receiver speaks in. In copywriting, this is referred to as writing adapted to the target group.

The same applies when we talk to ourselves and our peers. Which words we choose will most likely decide how they become perceived and especially how they become received and felt. Choose a word and notice how it makes you feel. Let's take should as an example: I should have... makes us feel guilty, sometimes regretful and sometimes a little ashamed. This creates a stress that is unnecessary and certainly doesn't produce any positive feelings and inclinations to actually do that should-thing.

If we use the word could instead, we move away from negativity and the burden of fault and instead open up for more possibilities. We start thinking about all the things we could do, that we can do, which inspire and motivate us more to actually do them.

A similar phenomena occurs with the use of the word too. We don't always have to choose so much between two things. If we try to allow ourselves both or see both as an option, we can use the word too instead, as in I can do this too. This way, we keep what we already have, or prefer, but open ourselves to an alternative.

Try this yourself, next time you notice your own negative self-talk or when you talk to a friend, co-worker or partner. Then ask yourself: What could you do instead, or could do too?