Recognising a trauma pattern

It's said that we often attract partners that in some way resemble our parents, or the way we related to them. However when we know about this, we can of course more consciously try to heal and change this pattern to free ourselves up for someone that instead resonates with our authentic self, preferably the way we were before we became traumatized growing up. At least, it can be our ambition.

Interesting enough, I've noticed that it seems that much of the conflicts I have with authorities in Sweden resemble how I've had conflicts with my own father. While some of them directly pose a threat to my survival, they're often incorporating a sense of belittling and disrespect, with gaslighting as their method. But, since I don't have any emotional attachment or even any personal interest in any of these people in authority, it becomes much easier to endure and fight back; to stand my ground. The question is, why do these extensions of our upbringing arise, unless it is to test our ability to remain in integrity? To hold our inner child close to our heart and defend it?

What's then left to solve on my mother's side? The other day, I realized that perhaps it has to do with competition. My mother used to look at me as her competitor, even when it came to attracting men and sometimes when it came to work, such as when I first became a professional life and career coach, that she had never heard of. I loathed it and certainly tried to avoid her competition. Perhaps this is why I have a hard time as an adult competing with other women. I simply don't want to. I just want to do my thing and be liked for who I am, regardless of the nature of the relationship. In fact, I've grown the belief that the more unique we are, the less competitive we need to be. But since our society and culture are based on competition, no wonder it rears its ugly head sometimes. It seems so easy to try to harm oneanother to stop the competition, rather than accept and respect oneanother instead. It's playing foul and I just can't see that there ever could be a real win doing so. This takes us right into the core of the matter: Which rules do they play by? I know which mine are. That's why I like coaching. Coaching enables me to help someone to realize his or her potential, to create his or her own success. And in doing so, I too become successful.

Live and let live.