For many months the crow announced the return of my inner child (soul) in the morning with its loud sound, just like the rooster announces the entry of the sun into a new day, for me to recognize it. I had lost this piece of myself due to traumas in my childhood and adulthood that weren't treated properly as needed within the nearest couple of years. So, it wasn't until I stepped into the African dance class spring 2004, that I realized with the feeling of a little girl awaiting fun, I could get myself back by reclaiming my joy in what I had stopped doing. It didn't come easy though. I had to grieve my own passing mother first. Perhaps it's even a necessity to loose your Mum first so you no longer have any other choice but to become your own best parent to thrive and grow anyway.
What I did was to change my diet, upgrade the interior design in my apartment and relate differently with more caution and awareness, while forgiving myself and others of the past. I wasn't feeling well at first, going through this change, but blessed by noticing a glimpse of the real me returned whole in Hawaii in company with Jesse. I wanted to see that in my own eyes again.
Four years later, after dancing regularly and even performing a little on stage, I had begun to step into my new self, the woman I wanted to become and now it was time to let myself return with an integrated past, which was initiated by Shaktipat in 2007 and Lomilomi a couple of times in 2009-15 with shamanic journeying aligned by faith and Ho'oponopono. This can be read about in my book "The Call for Divine Mothering".
I saw her again in my eyes more fully present, the little 6 year old explorer - my Little Me - in a mirror 2015 in Frankfurt at the airport, dizzy by spiritual presences and support from passed on relatives, yet more whole than ever after a near death collapse in 2014, landing in my heart, learning to love myself in a new way, based in compassion of self and more awareness of its coming and going, upon dancing in Greece and relaxing in Portugal. Rebirthing. Dancing. Connecting with having fun again.
Soon, I took a step in improvement by overcoming my fear of dipping my head under water - something I hadn't dared since I almost drowned at the age of 5 outside of Copenhagen, but felt a growing need to. So, I did. Alone in Portugal where I had been told we had a great vacation when I was a toddler. I did it both in a deep pool looking similar to the one in 1975 and in the ocean. I did again three summers later when it was warm enough in Sweden. A victory every time!
The journey we take is always alone, but with great companions and helpers along the way, we can develop who we are again. It is my hope to support this healing also in others.
Journey questions to answer:
1. What happened to you and how did it affect your life?
2. What do you need to change in order to make your body into a welcoming and safe place for your soul to live in?
3. What did you enjoy doing when you were a child? How do you feel doing it again? Can you keep this separate from your own children if they don't like to? And even learn, practice and develop it more coming forth with your passion?
4. When, where and how are you going to let your inner child play?
Look yourself in the mirror and in photos and recognize your own inner little girl or boy. Forgive yourself and feel compassion!