When we have begun to make real changes that comes from within and which result becomes visible on the outside, it's terrifying to make mistakes and loose it all. This in turn can make it harder to decide and choose, while we raise our bars to the next level, but hopefully not for status but for improvement.
Here is a simple example: Today I went in to buy a bar of cheap mint chocolate, the kind I usually get. It's a good price, it tastes good and it's safe to eat. Then I saw a huge pile of the same brand but with a lemon filling. Maybe I should get that instead? I had just witnessed something that gave me a bout of both a PTSD flashback and a feeling of mercy, while completely exhausted after no real sleeping again for two nights in a row. So I had to sit and cry for a while, and had just calmed down when I walked to the store.
Maybe I needed to consult God or my little angel first? No, so was not the case, since both kinds were sold to the same price. I chose the regular kind since it felt like a safe choice and I needed that today. But next time, I'm going to buy the other kind!
As I walked out of the store taking a bite of my mint chocolate, I realized I was now well within my comfort zone with awareness. And relief! To someone with so much stress and traumas to deal with, it's a relief to feel comfortable, not to mention a luxury to get in touch with being bored.
Choosing is about confidence and trust. And while true Christians will directly refer to the Bible quote about how all things are made possible through Christ, sometimes we simply need to just step up to the plate ourselves and take responsibility for our own free will.
How do we then transform self-doubt into confidence? By action! There is nothing more rewarding and boosting than when we have taken successful action. Especially when we have taken deliberate steps towards reaching our goals, such as putting my head under water both in a deep pool and the ocean, but still while standing. Growing confidence starts with acknowledging this free will of ours and respecting others'.
Take note of how you usually walk or buy certain things, then ask yourself when, why, if and how much you want to change that. Then try!
I did buy the other kind the day after, to try.