Today, I went for a check-up on my Malignt melanoma, by doing an ultrasound on the lymph nodes under my arms. It's been an appointment I've both dreaded and looked forward to. To have it done, but for sure not wanting any bad news. This time, I was also more keen on taking my intuitive feelings seriously, to match with what the hospital had to say, in comparison to when I confirmed a bad birthmark on my back (and had that removed alongside two lymph nodes). This way, I can trust myself even more.
While I was sitting in the waiting room, it occurred to me how little we show our true feelings in this society. I doubt that I was the only one afraid. How is it then, that we all take on this cheerful, polite stance and communication as if it wasn't lives we're dealing with?
When I was laying on the bed, waiting for the radiologist to come in, I felt my inner child crying with fear within, not wanting to die yet. All too well, remembering my mother's battle with her cancer. But of course, I didn't show that either, not fitting into others' professional busy schedules. I'm so glad however, that I have that connection with my inner child, my true essence, my heart.
There were no enlarged lymph nodes to be seen, and hopefully my doctor won't be finding anything else either. And thank God, the sun will rise again tomorrow.