Dealing with the ultimate fear
When I started my path towards healing, I soon realized that my biggest fear was simply to live. I wasn't quite sure where this came from, more than that it felt way too scary to be in my body fully. And because we have had to flee bombs and another time hurrying to help my mother give birth, besides moving a lot. And if you think about it, the world is a scary place. There is a threat of violence at any given moment, when you're among others, who may be provoked of anything. I think, that it's even people with unresolved fears that are the most violent, lashing out to protect oneself, whether it's a threat present or an old pattern emerging after being triggered. I have been threatened many times, and it has taken me years to overcome.
So, I've been contemplating fears lately, as I have grown in my reconnection to my inner child. What was it that scared me so much, when I was a little girl? Is this still affecting me? What can I do to make myself feel more safe? How do I better stand up for myself now that I'm grown up and thus not as dependant? It seems to me, that it's also why some people want me to depend on them, to get my energy, to take my power, to eliminate my competition. I see it rather, that they are dependant on my writing.
As an infant and toddler, we are afraid of everything, to not be fed, to not be warm or cold enough, to not get rested and sleep, to not be held with tender, loving, care and to not be consoled. All these things, are what needs to be acknowledged and transformed into an understanding, as well as a carrying out of meeting these needs, now too.
This is also how we can look at others. There is an old saying that if you have stage freight, you should imagine the audience as a group of babies, to not be so scary and intimidating. The same applies to our regular lives too. We all have fears and needs. And we all have inner children. Remember that in your next meeting.
Whenever someone opposes you, look into what truth they are revealing about you that you have refused to acknowledge in yourself. This is referred to as "shadow-work". Others are mirroring you, for you to see yourself. For you to meet all those needs you couldn't on your own, growing up. That is healing!