What is it that makes people betray the one they love for the sake of casual, perhaps passionate, but yet casual, sex? I've just finished watching the TV-series Three women about this particular subject: One woman not feeling desired by her husband called Lina dressing up to meet with a High School sweetheart, another woman called Sloane with Bulimia and swinging, and a third called Maggie, becoming seduced by suspence created by her teacher. All told by an author with her own set of issues; mostly lack of trust.
Then, I think of my own experiences. My mother had several affairs with married men after she divorced my father. I have not, but I've become attracted now and then to men, who are. Why is that? Because it's safer to dream freely, uninterruptedly, and totally uncensored, than it is to deal with the actual drama?
I had a passionate affair once. He was older and my fantasies about him, made our meetings even more physically gratifying, letting my own imagination blend seamlessly with his touch. I learned soon that a burning fire like that, also burns out. That sex isn't love. But there is a great freedom in dreaming and living it out physically. So, what is it that we seek, when we jump the fence?
I think, it's a desire to feel fully alive. There is something deeply satisfying to become immersed into an attraction that provokes your desire and that satisfies it at first. The "we really shouldn't" becomes the very allure that makes us drawn to each other even more. And with it, no demands on responsibilities, bills and chores. Instead a getaway from all that. A flame, oxygenated by our desire. Yet, nothing to build on.
The house of love, on the other hand, is a house requiring constant care and maintenance, a build, plank by plank of trust and shared values, becoming known step by step through shared time, without passion, but safety and partnership.
Can we have both?
The TV-series contained quite a few explicit sex scenes, but nonetheless weren't that arousing, probably due to lack of music, needed to set the tone and create an atmosphere of romance. There was a lot of desperation by the women, but not enough longing, thus never becoming truly fulfilled.