There is an expression describing sadness as, our tears well up. Perhaps, there is a deeper truth to this, that our tears connect us with a deep well of sorrow and grief, that also connect us. I have noticed that I for many years, have been directly inspired more, when I feel sad. As if my sadness opened a vault to endless storytelling and the urge to share them. Naturally, now that I am not grieving any more and not particularly sad, I also feel less inspired. Or, inspired differently. How is that?
Karla McLaren proposes in her book "The Language of Emotions" that we are connected through grief and that it's even a must to tune into, to have a wholesome society. I totally agree with her, that much of our inability to allow for real expressions of grief outside of our homes, even though that is both healthier and more natural, make us feel less connected. Reading that, made me feel better about breaking down in the library at Malmo University, when my mother was dying. Not feeling sad, worries me more. I see two possibilities:
We need to have a safe home, to enable any type of deep emotional work. A safe haven, that has become an extension of our spirit and body, like a proper home does. Unfortunately, I haven't had one to myself without forced sharing, or any intrusions, since 2017.
There is a time for everything. Getting stuck in any emotion would be an illness, and an estoppel for healing, since our emotions, as I see them, are like ocean waves that should go through us, rather than us becoming thrown up on the shore by them.
So, the question is: Am I not crying because I don't feel safe to, or feel too deeply traumatised, or because I don't have any reason to feel sad at the moment? Let me ponder about that.