Today, I overheard two young men talking about their situation and daring to express demands in order to improve it. This ignited my thoughts on the matter.
To use demands, is a way of exercising power. Often we think of the demands others put on us, whether by a spouse, a friend or a co-worker. Not to mention by our boss, of course. Likewise, we put demands on others. When we do this covertly, without expressing them clearly, they become expectations that most often will not be met, and thus make us into a foul mood and into conflicts, whereas when our demands are openly expressed and discussed, they make way for greater intimacy and efficiency. We also have the demands we put on ourselves.
Which demands do others put on you?
Which demands do you put on others?
Which demands do you hold yourself accountable for?
And more importantly, why do we put these demands on each other? We hopefully do so to create growth as well as harmony in our living. Demanding that your spouse clean up after him/herself is naturally a given, to have a nice, clean and orderly home. That your boss demands you to do the tasks he or she sets out before you, is for you to receive your salary and for the company to be able to sell its products or services. But, which are the underlying causes of our internal demands? Who are we comparing ourselves with and which demands are reasonable?
To solve this dilemma, we need to define a purpose, as well as a rewarding goal. When we know why we are doing what, and what we want from it, everything becomes more clear and our flow can increase. A flow, that in turn, lessens the need to forge too many demands.
And this too, is what a professional lifecoach can help you get clear about. Contact me for a session - the first one is for free!